Ah Pooh

Well day two back in my regular work - it's been a break of nearly 8 months and before that it was a break of 3 months. So broken in gently, hmmm

So a nice mixed bag again, walking around feeling like I know none of the usual suspects. It seems to have been the stalkers day out today with numerous queries and I felt more like a counsellor than anything else. I'm sure the people calling to chat about their situation weren't quite expecting that kind of response either.

And to top off the afternoon a job I wasn't even directly involved in seems to have had the greatest effect. In a negative way... On my ride home I was pondering 'do I share this at home?' and I found myself not riding aggressively but certainly not my usual light cruise on the bike as I tore up wanting to somehow go flat out but not wanting to die recklessly in the process...

So, I get home and Jellybean senses my mood as does the hubby. I get a much needed hug and the suggestion of a walk to clear my head is accepted - great! When I did share the day it wasn't as daunting as I believed and was even told that he'd heard more today than he had in the last 8 months in my misplaced position. My unloading wasn't unappreciated and I guess it just released the pressure that may have otherwise built up.

It was so tempting to talk to someone else who would 'get it' but that wouldn't build my relationship in the right way either, so it's all good in the end and I have this blog to untangle the knots.

It's odd but in this aspect I still have to use a play on words and hope that one day I can decipher the play if I even needed to.

What would I encourage another to do in this situation? Talk to someone - talk it out, give it to God, put on praise and worship music and let it go.

On the flip side I have returned home from my walk to have a message from a friend asking for much needed prayer. Not necessarily something I would have expected from this person and a request that I feel somewhat overwhelmed in and on the otherhand well able to handle. Not just because I know this person, their request but more importantly I know our Daddy. Daddy that I can run to and tell Him that my bro' is in a situation where they have called in the troops for support and support I will do.

If nothing else having been to Colour I have had confirmed that prayer is not futile. If all else fails then prayer is still a powerful weapon with which Christians can fight. We do not fight against flesh and blood but against spirit. In saying that the enemy - Satan, his cohorts and the world - fights against us with darts and weapons that do hit our flesh or discourage us somehow.

I'm certainly no expert on spiritual warfare and don't want to give more credit that is due but I believe that I understand the subtleties of all of this. The long held story of people who work in money forgery do so from the point of being able to spot a fake banknote because they know the real banknote so intimately.

As one of the Colour girls said last week - if they have two choices that is ahead of them they know for certain that the God choice is the one they are most fearful of. I guess in that fear - the beyondness of self is that part of us that we excel in because God is so fully relied on in that moment. For me it's a good moment - there is a thrill living on the edge of the precipice but knowing that it's the centre of God's will.

Hmm... talk about a mixed bag of head chatter, talking in riddles and covering a multitude of topics.

Well I guess if you survived this post you're doing well! lol

In a way I feel unresolved in my thoughts - keen to speak to my friend who called the reinforcements in on, keen to speak to another friend about how they are doing, keen to have another latte and keen to head to bed for another early start in the morning for a long day ahead of me. So the brain is buzzing around a little and again, I have a place to rest it - in God's hands. Because He is able and He can do it where I cannot. He also knows how this all plays out and I am growing in my trust in Him so I can let it go and give it up - again and again each time I pick it back up each time in my own human effort.

So here God - take my fears, hopes, dreams and people whom I love in this life that You have blessed me with and shelter them and I in Your hiding place. You are able where I am not...