I'm 37 years old, have had 7 pregnancies (the last two being miscarriages) and am still uncertain if I'm done having kids. Eek!!
My youngest at home is nearly 10 and I've got kids in stages of 2 a gap and then 2. I hated the thought of the kids not having a companion to grow up with. Which is also part of my dilemma of having another baby. Do I stop at just one? If I do then how alone will they feel as they grow up and the others all fly the coop? Where too does work come into things, as I think I'd hate to juggle work, babies and home.
I've done both, worked with toddlers and stayed home with toddlers. I was particularly blessed to just chill with the last two and not be so stressed with doing it all all of the time. The only thing I felt compromised on was no money and not much time to myself. I could go to work partime but not sure what the reality of that would be and whether I'd enjoy both.
I'm reading a book at the moment by Beverley LaHaye and Terri Blackstock - Times and Seasons (part of the Seasons series). In it one of the characters is 50 and still broody. So maybe it's a normal feeling.
I don't have romantic notions of being pregnant, I know my back will kill me, my sciatic will probably play up, my hemorrhoids would be horrendous again if I'm not careful, and I'll be tired and working. I don't have romantic notions of a new born baby, sleep broken nights, crying, feeding, dealing with existing family needs and baby sitting requirements again. Mind you we have support in the kids, with friends and experience. To then go through it a second time - 6 kids at home?! Am I mad!?!
What part of allowing God to create our family do we give in on? Do the last two miscarriages mean that our time is done? Do I just settle down and wait for grandchildren?
Much to ponder on, no answers coming to the fore but it's ok. I'll wait.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
It's been a while...
It's been a while since my last post... - sounds like the first sentence said to the priest in the confessional box, lol. My sins since my last visit were...
I did a full week of nightshift and survived. In the middle of it all I shockingly got an 11 hour sleep in! I honestly don't know where that came from but it was very welcome.
My brother was visiting and taught the kids Go, now the project will be to get the kids a boardgame so they can play themselves whenever. I saw a beautiful set on the web but may need to dream actually getting it. It was a solid block of wood with the grid on the top. As for the pieces - that's where it starts to get technical! Clamshell and ebony discs of different sizes. Sounds like it was a labour of love for the original makers. I love the whole idea of how tactile they might be though.
So, six days off have flown by with very little to show for it. Daily naps, dvds watched, time spent with family and back into it again tomorrow afternoon. Do I feel guilty that not much has been achieved, not much. I did go to the doctor on Monday to be told I was viral and not able to get antibiotics for a set of swollen glands and bunged sinus'. At least that seems to have settled now though and I haven't felt the need for a new head today :o)
I checked the news this evening and saw there's been another earthquake, this one in China and over 300 people currently believed to be dead. That's just huge - devastating, numbing, and heartbreaking. I don't know if we hear so much because the media is so international or if it's happening more and more. I know it's to be expected if you believe in the Bible. In a way if you get movement on one side of the globe we should expect an equivalent movement on the oppposite side of the globe - what with the whole tectonic plates moving - and taking a quick glance at the global plates it makes sense for it to be this side of the plate now affected.
One thing I did feel on my time off was that I could be using my time more wisely to engage my brain, but when I try I seem to be too tired to concentrate for long. Balance is what I'm after, not regret though. Hopefully I have it and just don't realise it.
To quote a much loved friend - TTFN
P
I did a full week of nightshift and survived. In the middle of it all I shockingly got an 11 hour sleep in! I honestly don't know where that came from but it was very welcome.
My brother was visiting and taught the kids Go, now the project will be to get the kids a boardgame so they can play themselves whenever. I saw a beautiful set on the web but may need to dream actually getting it. It was a solid block of wood with the grid on the top. As for the pieces - that's where it starts to get technical! Clamshell and ebony discs of different sizes. Sounds like it was a labour of love for the original makers. I love the whole idea of how tactile they might be though.
So, six days off have flown by with very little to show for it. Daily naps, dvds watched, time spent with family and back into it again tomorrow afternoon. Do I feel guilty that not much has been achieved, not much. I did go to the doctor on Monday to be told I was viral and not able to get antibiotics for a set of swollen glands and bunged sinus'. At least that seems to have settled now though and I haven't felt the need for a new head today :o)
I checked the news this evening and saw there's been another earthquake, this one in China and over 300 people currently believed to be dead. That's just huge - devastating, numbing, and heartbreaking. I don't know if we hear so much because the media is so international or if it's happening more and more. I know it's to be expected if you believe in the Bible. In a way if you get movement on one side of the globe we should expect an equivalent movement on the oppposite side of the globe - what with the whole tectonic plates moving - and taking a quick glance at the global plates it makes sense for it to be this side of the plate now affected.
One thing I did feel on my time off was that I could be using my time more wisely to engage my brain, but when I try I seem to be too tired to concentrate for long. Balance is what I'm after, not regret though. Hopefully I have it and just don't realise it.
To quote a much loved friend - TTFN
P
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