Dying on the inside

Don't know why, can't explain it but I feel like everyday I am dying on the inside.

Anyway, just noting the feeling, acknowledging it, saying it out loud takes away it's power.

I am alive, I am well, I'm not fit in an athletic sense (and never expect to be) but I am fit and able,

I am feeling isolated. I have my kids and hubby but I don't see anyone else to break me out of my spiral of monotany. Friends seem too busy meeting other people to catch up (no I don't ask because I don't feel I am important to rate highly on their radar - if I did wouldn't they ask ME out?)

I have work and I am currently in limbo waiting for a transfer. I know I have the job but don't know when it's going to happen or everything to expect (not that the knowing is an issue).

Heading off to work now, to a soggy afternoon on the job and an unexpected break from work tomorrow night mid-shift to go out to a gig with my two eldest boys. Nothing too hard in all of that but the feelings of inadequecy linger...

Pity party over now...

P