Another emotional low

Hubby was in Sydney Sunday to Tuesday and then went away 'camping' with a mate Friday to Sunday.  I also just started on nightshift so didn't see much of him in between.

Following youth on Friday my eldest decided that he wanted to get baptised again (he was done as an infant in Church of Ireland so he could go to the CoI school and at his request when he was 11/12yrs).  I understood his thinking and reasoning for it, hubby on the other hand seemed a bit more judgemental.

He hasn't been coming to church recently due to a falling out with numerous people and believing them to be hypocrites (rightly or wrongly).  So having his hand forced to go to his son's baptism was pushing the boundaries somewhat.

He arrived home from camping while I was still sleeping and when I did get to talk to him I was in the kitchen area getting a bite to eat.  He mentioned that he realised that he couldn't handle noise - having loved his silent camping retreat.  Well with a wife, four kids and numerous animals around the house silence is not something we get (nor do I enjoy).

When he took a long pause our daughter asked something and he freaked out.  Then he freaked out because I moved 3m from the kitchen area to sit at the table.  He went upstairs and I didn't see him until later.

When I did all he would say was there was nothing that could be done for his noise tolerance and I was to stop now as he didn't want things blowing up prior to us going out to church.  So his tension levels were elevated and he didn't want to go to church is basically what he was saying.

He also said he didn't want to hang around afterwards - too many people sticking their nose in or something.  The solution to that was for him to drive himself to church and again, there was a drama about doing that as I went out to get something from the other car while waiting for the kids to get ready to go.

On our way out our dumb blonde (dog) ran off down the drive but thankfully we caught him quickly (not typical).  Off we went and I wasn't going to let his mood get me down for my boy's special moment along with his friends.

At church he was grumpy that I sat behind the pastor with whom he had an issue, stood for the singing but didn't join in and my daughter gave out to him for being on his phone during the service.  At the end of the baptism he asked if he could leave and again I said it was up to him but he ended up staying (even if he was on his phone the whole time).

Straight after the service he left while I remained with the kids for the usual end and missed his text asking about getting dinner having said I'd get something for us when I got home.  Ten minutes after his first text came his impatient "??" which I didn't see as I was driving.

When I got home I passed his bbq tools scattered by the wind all over the muddy slope next to the bbq and again there were words about me not responding to the text.  He then refused to eat dinner that I was going to prepare (his little childish protest).

More yelling and fuming by him and the kids started on him that he was being unreasonable and he refused to change.  None of the kids were raising their voices and my daughter told him to just 'calm down' (yeah, red rag to a bull in my job).  He then had a go at my silent son who never gets involved in things before more horrible silence reigned.

So I went upstairs distraught again, posted a cryptic facebook status which my eldest supported me on, sent a mayday to a friend and was about to text another friend asking for prayer when my mayday friend rang.  She just listened which helped but I have no answers, just questions and heartache.

Shortly after I went back down to get dinner he went to bed (2030hrs).  Confrontation over.

This is no way to have a marriage or parenting...