Fitting in (or not)

Once again this spiral of self doubt, loathing, exhaustion and identity creeps in.

Tonight thoughts drift to how I might look the Aussie part as soon as I open my mouth it's obvious I'm not Aussie.

It was pointed out to me yesterday that although I work in Communications there are people who continue to struggle with my accent.  Yet when I hear myself I don't hear that much of an accent and others have also told me my accent is negligible (until I'm then asked where in Canada I'm from!)

All I know that right now I'm getting deliriously tired and I still have around a half hour drive home when I do finish work for the night.  This is not entirely a happy prospect.

When I first arrived in this country a helpful local told me I wouldn't be local until I was here 38years - that was comforting - I might not want to stay here that long!

The thing now is, would  I fit in in my native land, the home of my family?  While I love the ol' sod I don't believe I could ever really live there in peace with myself (although where I currently live is far from a bustling metropolis!)

The things you ponder late at night or early in the morning when a normal person would be going to sleep...  Maybe this chick is getting too old for shift work or maybe other daily stresses are just closing in on her.

Enough for tonight - I'd hate to ramble and slur my words!