These are the words I heard in disbelief this evening. Oh my did I see red!! For a start I've never heard something so irresponsible or so dumb from an adult, from a parent or from anyone for that matter.
So this person then walked off and refused to eat dinner then. Hmm role model of what?!
Rather than do what I felt like doing (creating a domestic) I have left the room. Watched the tempestuous weather and taken a picture.
All of this on the back of a bra strap twang, being told I had a bottom in my back and then insulted over a friendship. Grr
Deep breathing for now
P
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
12 of 12 on 12/12/10
So, my first 12 of 12 (kudos goes to a friend's 12 which brought me to its origin - http://chaddarnell.typepad.com/runchadrun2/12_of_12/
So, my day in pictures (well some of it anyway) sometimes it not always possible to capture on camera what my eye sees, but what the hey, here goes.
A family bike ride was organised by friends through the church I go to in Hobart. I go with my #2 son on these and invariably get left in the dust by the men on their wheels, oh well. I got to thinking as I rode and listened to some music though so it's all good.
Glimpses through the trees allow for stunning views to the East of this imposing mountain, Mount Wellington. The ride took us along a water pipeline at approximately 5-600 metres above sea level.
A look at the final destination, not that we intended to reach the cliffs, but get as close as we could. In the end I didn't make it quite as far as the men did but just shy of it.
It's important to know the trail, to make steady progress in so that you can return the way you came.
On this trail I got thinking about life, how we have to run our own race, travel our own trail, ride our own ride... While this ride started with a group I quickly was overpowered by stronger riders, a steady uphill climb and the desire to just keep going and not quit.
It's not the first time I've ridden out and felt like giving up. This one wasn't so bad but when a head wind hit it was "head down and keep going" knowing I was just getting further behind but also knowing that I had my ride to do.
The journey we take through life is ours and ours alone, we have to go through it and come out the other side to share it with others sometimes. Yes, we share it with those we travel with but sometimes we pass others or they pass us and each of us goes at our own pace.
The return is usually so much easier too. Along the way there were forks in the trail, little places to stop and savour the view, the peace and quiet, the birdcalls and just the trail. Everything that had the ride been more difficult could have been a distraction from the destination. However, glimpses of what was yet to come began to tease around the odd corner.
Time finally came to turn around and the fun began. After the steady uphill now came a gentle downhill which was much more fun to do. Having finally reached the turning point I can now tell people who have yet to follow the trail about it.
The ride ended though, I caught up with #2 son and we headed into the city to do some pre-trip shopping (exciting stuff buying thermals for a Northern Hemisphere winter)!
The youth group led church this afternoon. Church is something that's a non negotiable for me on Sunday. I miss it when I can't go. It's more that I prefer the corporate worship (singing together) than anything else. It's the bit where I can usually get over myself and just sing to God. I guess today too much of me was in the way and I didn't feel like I quite got there but hey, there's always my iPhone that I can grab a special song and see where that takes me.
Church will never have everything, perfect songs, message and people but I can keep hoping.
So this is my dumb blonde. He runs away when given half a chance at the gate, he kills wildlife (when he can catch them) and barks when it's his dinner time and we've forgotten him. He always has a happy face and I love coming home to him and he's just part of the menagerie here.
This is my evil nemesis. She is beautiful. She is around 10 years old now and still makes me laugh. When she rolls onto her back she looks like a sea otter with her hair a brown tinge underneath. She wriggles and squirms and still plays like a kitten at times. Despite her size (which is mostly long hair) she is surprisingly agile though and jumps heights we didn't think she could!
This is our cute little Momma and her kitten, about two weeks old now and beginning to see the stirrings of a lunatic. I try and take photos of her regularly as soon she'll be a blur again as Mom gets her independence back and the kitten turns into a whirlwind of chaos.
We are spoilt with the view from the house. I don't get to sit out quite as much as I would like because I seem to be a delicacy for mosquitos who take chunks out of me that will irritate for a couple of weeks. I hate the darned things and have no idea why we have them in this world.
In this city of Hobart we have many visiting cruise ships which we sometimes will stop and watch coming up the river. The most impressive visitor we have had here was the QE2 on her final trip. We also have the thrill of watching the Sydney Hobart yachts coming racing up river to cross the finish line of one of the most gruelling races in the world.
This has got to be one of the most sweetest sounding set of wind chimes I have ever heard. I love to hear them tinkle on the wind. It lives right outside our lounge so we get to hear them so often it becomes a white noise in the everyday background until it's quiet and you miss them.
Ah, an essential in my life. I love coffee, I like chocolate. I wake up and have a coffee and go to sleep with a coffee, with many through out the day. It's bad but it's SO good! Yes, I am weird that it doesn't keep me awake, but until I find out why then I'll stick with it. I am fussy with my coffee and wish I were a better barista but for now I'll do.
Well my day is nearly over. PS I Love You is on tv and making this cailin heartsick for Ireland. Time to get bundled up and off to bed.
So, my day in pictures (well some of it anyway) sometimes it not always possible to capture on camera what my eye sees, but what the hey, here goes.
A family bike ride was organised by friends through the church I go to in Hobart. I go with my #2 son on these and invariably get left in the dust by the men on their wheels, oh well. I got to thinking as I rode and listened to some music though so it's all good.
Glimpses through the trees allow for stunning views to the East of this imposing mountain, Mount Wellington. The ride took us along a water pipeline at approximately 5-600 metres above sea level.
A look at the final destination, not that we intended to reach the cliffs, but get as close as we could. In the end I didn't make it quite as far as the men did but just shy of it.
It's important to know the trail, to make steady progress in so that you can return the way you came.
On this trail I got thinking about life, how we have to run our own race, travel our own trail, ride our own ride... While this ride started with a group I quickly was overpowered by stronger riders, a steady uphill climb and the desire to just keep going and not quit.
It's not the first time I've ridden out and felt like giving up. This one wasn't so bad but when a head wind hit it was "head down and keep going" knowing I was just getting further behind but also knowing that I had my ride to do.
The journey we take through life is ours and ours alone, we have to go through it and come out the other side to share it with others sometimes. Yes, we share it with those we travel with but sometimes we pass others or they pass us and each of us goes at our own pace.
The return is usually so much easier too. Along the way there were forks in the trail, little places to stop and savour the view, the peace and quiet, the birdcalls and just the trail. Everything that had the ride been more difficult could have been a distraction from the destination. However, glimpses of what was yet to come began to tease around the odd corner.
Time finally came to turn around and the fun began. After the steady uphill now came a gentle downhill which was much more fun to do. Having finally reached the turning point I can now tell people who have yet to follow the trail about it.
The ride ended though, I caught up with #2 son and we headed into the city to do some pre-trip shopping (exciting stuff buying thermals for a Northern Hemisphere winter)!
The youth group led church this afternoon. Church is something that's a non negotiable for me on Sunday. I miss it when I can't go. It's more that I prefer the corporate worship (singing together) than anything else. It's the bit where I can usually get over myself and just sing to God. I guess today too much of me was in the way and I didn't feel like I quite got there but hey, there's always my iPhone that I can grab a special song and see where that takes me. Church will never have everything, perfect songs, message and people but I can keep hoping.
So this is my dumb blonde. He runs away when given half a chance at the gate, he kills wildlife (when he can catch them) and barks when it's his dinner time and we've forgotten him. He always has a happy face and I love coming home to him and he's just part of the menagerie here.
This is my evil nemesis. She is beautiful. She is around 10 years old now and still makes me laugh. When she rolls onto her back she looks like a sea otter with her hair a brown tinge underneath. She wriggles and squirms and still plays like a kitten at times. Despite her size (which is mostly long hair) she is surprisingly agile though and jumps heights we didn't think she could!
This is our cute little Momma and her kitten, about two weeks old now and beginning to see the stirrings of a lunatic. I try and take photos of her regularly as soon she'll be a blur again as Mom gets her independence back and the kitten turns into a whirlwind of chaos.
We are spoilt with the view from the house. I don't get to sit out quite as much as I would like because I seem to be a delicacy for mosquitos who take chunks out of me that will irritate for a couple of weeks. I hate the darned things and have no idea why we have them in this world.
In this city of Hobart we have many visiting cruise ships which we sometimes will stop and watch coming up the river. The most impressive visitor we have had here was the QE2 on her final trip. We also have the thrill of watching the Sydney Hobart yachts coming racing up river to cross the finish line of one of the most gruelling races in the world.
This has got to be one of the most sweetest sounding set of wind chimes I have ever heard. I love to hear them tinkle on the wind. It lives right outside our lounge so we get to hear them so often it becomes a white noise in the everyday background until it's quiet and you miss them.
Ah, an essential in my life. I love coffee, I like chocolate. I wake up and have a coffee and go to sleep with a coffee, with many through out the day. It's bad but it's SO good! Yes, I am weird that it doesn't keep me awake, but until I find out why then I'll stick with it. I am fussy with my coffee and wish I were a better barista but for now I'll do.
Well my day is nearly over. PS I Love You is on tv and making this cailin heartsick for Ireland. Time to get bundled up and off to bed.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
A gap in the clouds
I got to pondering the gap in the clouds mentality that I often see and sometimes have myself.
I live at the lofty height of 150 metres above sea level with uninterrupted views over a bay, a peninsula and an estuary over to the mainland. To my right lies the focal point of my hometown, a 1250 metre mountain.
So often the clouds get stuck on this mountain, sometimes making for the most beautiful sunset scenes and also for sunrises reflected off it.
So from my lofty abode I watch clouds go scudding by down river, I watch the rain come towards me, pass me by or watch the scenery disappear into the cloud. I get to watch sun rays beam down through the gaps in the clouds and after days of continuous rain long for the gap in the clouds to send the sun ray basking down on me like a hot blanket and kiss to my cheek.
In the longing for the gap in the clouds though I wonder how often I cherish the clouds and the life giving nourishment it gives this parched land. The ground gets a break from the relentless sun, heat and wind that erodes. The ground gets fed the water and nutrients it longs for as within days the evidence springs to life all around as grass and flowers poke up from their survival of dormancy.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with blessings, sunshine and fair weather days but it's just missing the blessing in the break from the sun, the blessings in the rain, that I think gets forgotten.
Think for a minute when the sun rays miss our location and shine elsewhere. Do you get filled with jealousy or do you remain thankful that that person/place is being temporarily blessed? Do you gloat when the sun ray misses them?
I watched a movie or cartoon the other day on tv and the character was trying to teach the concept of perspective to some kids. A simple concept that struck a chord. Something that one person dislikes could be something another likes, wants and needs.
Just because the receiver doesn't like what they are in the middle of doesn't mean it isn't good for them or blessing the area they are in.
Selah
I live at the lofty height of 150 metres above sea level with uninterrupted views over a bay, a peninsula and an estuary over to the mainland. To my right lies the focal point of my hometown, a 1250 metre mountain.
So often the clouds get stuck on this mountain, sometimes making for the most beautiful sunset scenes and also for sunrises reflected off it.
So from my lofty abode I watch clouds go scudding by down river, I watch the rain come towards me, pass me by or watch the scenery disappear into the cloud. I get to watch sun rays beam down through the gaps in the clouds and after days of continuous rain long for the gap in the clouds to send the sun ray basking down on me like a hot blanket and kiss to my cheek.
In the longing for the gap in the clouds though I wonder how often I cherish the clouds and the life giving nourishment it gives this parched land. The ground gets a break from the relentless sun, heat and wind that erodes. The ground gets fed the water and nutrients it longs for as within days the evidence springs to life all around as grass and flowers poke up from their survival of dormancy.
Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with blessings, sunshine and fair weather days but it's just missing the blessing in the break from the sun, the blessings in the rain, that I think gets forgotten.
Think for a minute when the sun rays miss our location and shine elsewhere. Do you get filled with jealousy or do you remain thankful that that person/place is being temporarily blessed? Do you gloat when the sun ray misses them?
I watched a movie or cartoon the other day on tv and the character was trying to teach the concept of perspective to some kids. A simple concept that struck a chord. Something that one person dislikes could be something another likes, wants and needs.
Just because the receiver doesn't like what they are in the middle of doesn't mean it isn't good for them or blessing the area they are in.
Selah
Dying on the inside
Don't know why, can't explain it but I feel like everyday I am dying on the inside.
Anyway, just noting the feeling, acknowledging it, saying it out loud takes away it's power.
I am alive, I am well, I'm not fit in an athletic sense (and never expect to be) but I am fit and able,
I am feeling isolated. I have my kids and hubby but I don't see anyone else to break me out of my spiral of monotany. Friends seem too busy meeting other people to catch up (no I don't ask because I don't feel I am important to rate highly on their radar - if I did wouldn't they ask ME out?)
I have work and I am currently in limbo waiting for a transfer. I know I have the job but don't know when it's going to happen or everything to expect (not that the knowing is an issue).
Heading off to work now, to a soggy afternoon on the job and an unexpected break from work tomorrow night mid-shift to go out to a gig with my two eldest boys. Nothing too hard in all of that but the feelings of inadequecy linger...
Pity party over now...
P
Anyway, just noting the feeling, acknowledging it, saying it out loud takes away it's power.
I am alive, I am well, I'm not fit in an athletic sense (and never expect to be) but I am fit and able,
I am feeling isolated. I have my kids and hubby but I don't see anyone else to break me out of my spiral of monotany. Friends seem too busy meeting other people to catch up (no I don't ask because I don't feel I am important to rate highly on their radar - if I did wouldn't they ask ME out?)
I have work and I am currently in limbo waiting for a transfer. I know I have the job but don't know when it's going to happen or everything to expect (not that the knowing is an issue).
Heading off to work now, to a soggy afternoon on the job and an unexpected break from work tomorrow night mid-shift to go out to a gig with my two eldest boys. Nothing too hard in all of that but the feelings of inadequecy linger...
Pity party over now...
P
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Broken promises
I'm low. After a good day - a beautiful day, a bike ride, a workout, a bike ride an amazing lunch with a friend, a stop to drop off an article, a quick chat with a pal and then home.
The problem?... On Saturday we had a special meal with friends and I started to clean up the kitchen afterwards (as you do). I was informed by my husband that he would clean up the kitchen the next day. Guess what, he didn't.
So today is Tuesday, I've been out on days off during the day and he's been home. Yesterday I came home to be informed I was on dinner - woo... No notice but managed to spin out a couple of quiches which were delicious. In the meantime, hubby went to bed at 6.30pm. So I went out for the evening to be cheered up for a much needed break.
My arrival home was met with one son missing his bus because it 'was early', dinner to be done and my hubby going for a prearranged run. #2 son had got a headstart on the dinner, which was fantastic but guess what? The washing up was still there. Groan.
It's not just about the washing up though. It's about the broken promises. It's about the attitude behind the statement. It's about saying you'll do something and then thinking you're more important that the other by not following through with it.
On the weekend my hubby had finally presented me with a Pandora bracelet that I'd asked for since before September last year. It was simple, it was sweet but it was very late. I try and feel grateful but my heart feels let down by the fact it has taken so long to get a long wished for present.
I feel so ungrateful that I am not happier and I'm not sure why. Is it just further disappointment? Do I expect too much? Do I put too high a limit for my husband to be able to achieve something positive?
So, left with questions and no answers for now... I wait for peace to return, that and sleep!
The problem?... On Saturday we had a special meal with friends and I started to clean up the kitchen afterwards (as you do). I was informed by my husband that he would clean up the kitchen the next day. Guess what, he didn't.
So today is Tuesday, I've been out on days off during the day and he's been home. Yesterday I came home to be informed I was on dinner - woo... No notice but managed to spin out a couple of quiches which were delicious. In the meantime, hubby went to bed at 6.30pm. So I went out for the evening to be cheered up for a much needed break.
My arrival home was met with one son missing his bus because it 'was early', dinner to be done and my hubby going for a prearranged run. #2 son had got a headstart on the dinner, which was fantastic but guess what? The washing up was still there. Groan.
It's not just about the washing up though. It's about the broken promises. It's about the attitude behind the statement. It's about saying you'll do something and then thinking you're more important that the other by not following through with it.
On the weekend my hubby had finally presented me with a Pandora bracelet that I'd asked for since before September last year. It was simple, it was sweet but it was very late. I try and feel grateful but my heart feels let down by the fact it has taken so long to get a long wished for present.
I feel so ungrateful that I am not happier and I'm not sure why. Is it just further disappointment? Do I expect too much? Do I put too high a limit for my husband to be able to achieve something positive?
So, left with questions and no answers for now... I wait for peace to return, that and sleep!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Resentment and conflicting emotions
I've noticed lately that I seem to be harbouring a resentment towards my husband.
I've noticed that if I comment on a friends facebook status he's doing the same. If I talk to someone he wants to know who it is and what we're talking about. He seems to feel left out and therefore intrudes.
He might say that he has to do it to feel included but as a result I feel stalked. I feel like he's over my shoulder watching and critiquing my every move because I behave differently with them than him.
He seems to be constantly angry. Constantly sulking. Constantly telling everyone to shut up. It's draining. It's sometimes contagious. It's heartbreaking.
I prayed and things seemed to come to a head but then nothing happened. More prayer, more friction, more possible breakthrough, more nothing. We keep going around in circles with more empty promises.
Empty promises are devastasting to me. I don't know why they are so important. Maybe because I never grew up with a defender. My Dad never defended me. No-one did.
Ha, my daughter sitting next to me said that my husband can't even get me a Pandora after a tv ad came on. The ad was for sweets that the hubby was shaping into a heart when he tastes them and ends up eating the packet and giving the wife just one. So romantic! Lol
I had a photo shoot done about three years ago and collected the pics this week. I arrived in from home and he wanted to see them while I was still with bags in hand and he was on computer. So I said no, we'd look together. When I sat next to him he finally put his computer down as I was asked to help my son. So I was then busy and my hubby went to look at the pics without me. Again, disappointment. Couldn't he see I was now busy and wait?!
When I said it to him we ended up with him yelling what was wrong and I asked my ten year old to explain. A ten year old could see what a 40 year old couldn't. Help!
I just feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle with someone who just resents me and doesn't even think they might be responsible. It's been years of deterioration. It's been years of sniping and pulling back. It's been years of doing life as a single mum because he would do minimal. There were times when he was there but he seemed to resent it.
Argh. How can I shake this??
I've noticed that if I comment on a friends facebook status he's doing the same. If I talk to someone he wants to know who it is and what we're talking about. He seems to feel left out and therefore intrudes.
He might say that he has to do it to feel included but as a result I feel stalked. I feel like he's over my shoulder watching and critiquing my every move because I behave differently with them than him.
He seems to be constantly angry. Constantly sulking. Constantly telling everyone to shut up. It's draining. It's sometimes contagious. It's heartbreaking.
I prayed and things seemed to come to a head but then nothing happened. More prayer, more friction, more possible breakthrough, more nothing. We keep going around in circles with more empty promises.
Empty promises are devastasting to me. I don't know why they are so important. Maybe because I never grew up with a defender. My Dad never defended me. No-one did.
Ha, my daughter sitting next to me said that my husband can't even get me a Pandora after a tv ad came on. The ad was for sweets that the hubby was shaping into a heart when he tastes them and ends up eating the packet and giving the wife just one. So romantic! Lol
I had a photo shoot done about three years ago and collected the pics this week. I arrived in from home and he wanted to see them while I was still with bags in hand and he was on computer. So I said no, we'd look together. When I sat next to him he finally put his computer down as I was asked to help my son. So I was then busy and my hubby went to look at the pics without me. Again, disappointment. Couldn't he see I was now busy and wait?!
When I said it to him we ended up with him yelling what was wrong and I asked my ten year old to explain. A ten year old could see what a 40 year old couldn't. Help!
I just feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle with someone who just resents me and doesn't even think they might be responsible. It's been years of deterioration. It's been years of sniping and pulling back. It's been years of doing life as a single mum because he would do minimal. There were times when he was there but he seemed to resent it.
Argh. How can I shake this??
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Time goes by...
so slowly... but gallops by like a herd of Mustang!
I get so many snippets that I think I should blog but am either so busy doing life or can't get near the computer that I don't do it. Then of course the moment is gone never to be recaptured...
Heard a friend speak in church this morning and felt ready to maybe take on a mission trip to wherever. Next year the choice is Uganda or India. We have a massive family trip back to Europe planned for early in the year so not sure how possible it all would be with work and finances. However if God is in it then it could well happen (and ruin me for life).
So the plans begin to take shape for our trip and new for me is a visit to New York. I have no idea what to see but know I don't just want the touristy thing. I love that geocaching will take me to places that I wouldn't ordinarily go to and I love that as well as the treat of finding more caches it's something that gets me out and about all over the world!
My only reservation is that we are travelling in winter. Many places are closed and many places will be inaccesible but all this goes with the planning. Ah, the joys!
Ah well, enough for now...
Cya
P
I get so many snippets that I think I should blog but am either so busy doing life or can't get near the computer that I don't do it. Then of course the moment is gone never to be recaptured...
Heard a friend speak in church this morning and felt ready to maybe take on a mission trip to wherever. Next year the choice is Uganda or India. We have a massive family trip back to Europe planned for early in the year so not sure how possible it all would be with work and finances. However if God is in it then it could well happen (and ruin me for life).
So the plans begin to take shape for our trip and new for me is a visit to New York. I have no idea what to see but know I don't just want the touristy thing. I love that geocaching will take me to places that I wouldn't ordinarily go to and I love that as well as the treat of finding more caches it's something that gets me out and about all over the world!
My only reservation is that we are travelling in winter. Many places are closed and many places will be inaccesible but all this goes with the planning. Ah, the joys!
Ah well, enough for now...
Cya
P
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
When is enough enough?
I'm 37 years old, have had 7 pregnancies (the last two being miscarriages) and am still uncertain if I'm done having kids. Eek!!
My youngest at home is nearly 10 and I've got kids in stages of 2 a gap and then 2. I hated the thought of the kids not having a companion to grow up with. Which is also part of my dilemma of having another baby. Do I stop at just one? If I do then how alone will they feel as they grow up and the others all fly the coop? Where too does work come into things, as I think I'd hate to juggle work, babies and home.
I've done both, worked with toddlers and stayed home with toddlers. I was particularly blessed to just chill with the last two and not be so stressed with doing it all all of the time. The only thing I felt compromised on was no money and not much time to myself. I could go to work partime but not sure what the reality of that would be and whether I'd enjoy both.
I'm reading a book at the moment by Beverley LaHaye and Terri Blackstock - Times and Seasons (part of the Seasons series). In it one of the characters is 50 and still broody. So maybe it's a normal feeling.
I don't have romantic notions of being pregnant, I know my back will kill me, my sciatic will probably play up, my hemorrhoids would be horrendous again if I'm not careful, and I'll be tired and working. I don't have romantic notions of a new born baby, sleep broken nights, crying, feeding, dealing with existing family needs and baby sitting requirements again. Mind you we have support in the kids, with friends and experience. To then go through it a second time - 6 kids at home?! Am I mad!?!
What part of allowing God to create our family do we give in on? Do the last two miscarriages mean that our time is done? Do I just settle down and wait for grandchildren?
Much to ponder on, no answers coming to the fore but it's ok. I'll wait.
My youngest at home is nearly 10 and I've got kids in stages of 2 a gap and then 2. I hated the thought of the kids not having a companion to grow up with. Which is also part of my dilemma of having another baby. Do I stop at just one? If I do then how alone will they feel as they grow up and the others all fly the coop? Where too does work come into things, as I think I'd hate to juggle work, babies and home.
I've done both, worked with toddlers and stayed home with toddlers. I was particularly blessed to just chill with the last two and not be so stressed with doing it all all of the time. The only thing I felt compromised on was no money and not much time to myself. I could go to work partime but not sure what the reality of that would be and whether I'd enjoy both.
I'm reading a book at the moment by Beverley LaHaye and Terri Blackstock - Times and Seasons (part of the Seasons series). In it one of the characters is 50 and still broody. So maybe it's a normal feeling.
I don't have romantic notions of being pregnant, I know my back will kill me, my sciatic will probably play up, my hemorrhoids would be horrendous again if I'm not careful, and I'll be tired and working. I don't have romantic notions of a new born baby, sleep broken nights, crying, feeding, dealing with existing family needs and baby sitting requirements again. Mind you we have support in the kids, with friends and experience. To then go through it a second time - 6 kids at home?! Am I mad!?!
What part of allowing God to create our family do we give in on? Do the last two miscarriages mean that our time is done? Do I just settle down and wait for grandchildren?
Much to ponder on, no answers coming to the fore but it's ok. I'll wait.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
It's been a while...
It's been a while since my last post... - sounds like the first sentence said to the priest in the confessional box, lol. My sins since my last visit were...
I did a full week of nightshift and survived. In the middle of it all I shockingly got an 11 hour sleep in! I honestly don't know where that came from but it was very welcome.
My brother was visiting and taught the kids Go, now the project will be to get the kids a boardgame so they can play themselves whenever. I saw a beautiful set on the web but may need to dream actually getting it. It was a solid block of wood with the grid on the top. As for the pieces - that's where it starts to get technical! Clamshell and ebony discs of different sizes. Sounds like it was a labour of love for the original makers. I love the whole idea of how tactile they might be though.
So, six days off have flown by with very little to show for it. Daily naps, dvds watched, time spent with family and back into it again tomorrow afternoon. Do I feel guilty that not much has been achieved, not much. I did go to the doctor on Monday to be told I was viral and not able to get antibiotics for a set of swollen glands and bunged sinus'. At least that seems to have settled now though and I haven't felt the need for a new head today :o)
I checked the news this evening and saw there's been another earthquake, this one in China and over 300 people currently believed to be dead. That's just huge - devastating, numbing, and heartbreaking. I don't know if we hear so much because the media is so international or if it's happening more and more. I know it's to be expected if you believe in the Bible. In a way if you get movement on one side of the globe we should expect an equivalent movement on the oppposite side of the globe - what with the whole tectonic plates moving - and taking a quick glance at the global plates it makes sense for it to be this side of the plate now affected.
One thing I did feel on my time off was that I could be using my time more wisely to engage my brain, but when I try I seem to be too tired to concentrate for long. Balance is what I'm after, not regret though. Hopefully I have it and just don't realise it.
To quote a much loved friend - TTFN
P
I did a full week of nightshift and survived. In the middle of it all I shockingly got an 11 hour sleep in! I honestly don't know where that came from but it was very welcome.
My brother was visiting and taught the kids Go, now the project will be to get the kids a boardgame so they can play themselves whenever. I saw a beautiful set on the web but may need to dream actually getting it. It was a solid block of wood with the grid on the top. As for the pieces - that's where it starts to get technical! Clamshell and ebony discs of different sizes. Sounds like it was a labour of love for the original makers. I love the whole idea of how tactile they might be though.
So, six days off have flown by with very little to show for it. Daily naps, dvds watched, time spent with family and back into it again tomorrow afternoon. Do I feel guilty that not much has been achieved, not much. I did go to the doctor on Monday to be told I was viral and not able to get antibiotics for a set of swollen glands and bunged sinus'. At least that seems to have settled now though and I haven't felt the need for a new head today :o)
I checked the news this evening and saw there's been another earthquake, this one in China and over 300 people currently believed to be dead. That's just huge - devastating, numbing, and heartbreaking. I don't know if we hear so much because the media is so international or if it's happening more and more. I know it's to be expected if you believe in the Bible. In a way if you get movement on one side of the globe we should expect an equivalent movement on the oppposite side of the globe - what with the whole tectonic plates moving - and taking a quick glance at the global plates it makes sense for it to be this side of the plate now affected.
One thing I did feel on my time off was that I could be using my time more wisely to engage my brain, but when I try I seem to be too tired to concentrate for long. Balance is what I'm after, not regret though. Hopefully I have it and just don't realise it.
To quote a much loved friend - TTFN
P
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Post Colour
Caught up with the girls I went to Colour 2010 with recently. We're back two weeks and we arrived back from the Sydney Conference buzzing and absolutely pumped. Two weeks on and the regularity of life has taken over and routine has allowed the fire stop blazing but continue to smoulder.
So, what to do? Do we fan the flames by rewatching the videos? Do we settle for a life of mediocrity or has what we learned really had an impact?
I've found I've been bolder in speaking with some people that I have come across. I've had people come in with issues that they think is serious (and in a way it is) but I don't just give the usual spiel but go that step further. I don't know if what I say is any different, better or worse than anyone else. I just have to trust that God will take what He can and use it.
I worked today with one of the guys who has been in my job for nearly 20 years and it was great to see the subtle difference and understanding of a situation based on that experience as opposed to the inexperience of less exposed colleagues. Working alongside someone who has had that exposure is infrequent and welcomed.
The bonus today was having a very good friend and a couple of others whom I knew begin training today so plenty of stuff to look forward to and reminiscing of my starting in my job. No doubt there will be memories sparked by the whole experience so this journey will be interesting.
P
So, what to do? Do we fan the flames by rewatching the videos? Do we settle for a life of mediocrity or has what we learned really had an impact?
I've found I've been bolder in speaking with some people that I have come across. I've had people come in with issues that they think is serious (and in a way it is) but I don't just give the usual spiel but go that step further. I don't know if what I say is any different, better or worse than anyone else. I just have to trust that God will take what He can and use it.
I worked today with one of the guys who has been in my job for nearly 20 years and it was great to see the subtle difference and understanding of a situation based on that experience as opposed to the inexperience of less exposed colleagues. Working alongside someone who has had that exposure is infrequent and welcomed.
The bonus today was having a very good friend and a couple of others whom I knew begin training today so plenty of stuff to look forward to and reminiscing of my starting in my job. No doubt there will be memories sparked by the whole experience so this journey will be interesting.
P
Shiftwork and sleep deprivation
Well I'm now three shift blocks back in my watch role. That means a set of 7am starts times two and a set of midnight finishes - each block being 3/4 days. So I'm tired.
I'm always tired on the fourth day of earlies. The alarm tends to creep to later and later but not this time around as shuffling different modes of transport meant either having my act together or end up running late - not an option.
So next block, nightshift and my brother is visiting from his home city. I still intend to sleep in my usual nightshift pattern - get home and straight to bed and by 9am snoozing. I usually wake then around 4-5pm and am up for the evening before heading out to work. Mind you I haven't done nightshift in nearly a year so it will be interesting to say the least.
My husband seems to hate that I get tired and takes it personally if I don't pay him as much attention as I begin to function on a fairly basic level - do what's required to get by and no more in the effort to conserve energy. I guess it's hard not to take things personally but it's funny how the kids seem to be much more accepting of the little attention and cut me slack and accept me for where I'm at.
It's all an adjustment again and hopefully I'm as adaptable as I thought I was. It's times like this that I think studying for a degree is just too much, maybe I should stick with the internal promotional structure. We'll wait and see tho...
P
I'm always tired on the fourth day of earlies. The alarm tends to creep to later and later but not this time around as shuffling different modes of transport meant either having my act together or end up running late - not an option.
So next block, nightshift and my brother is visiting from his home city. I still intend to sleep in my usual nightshift pattern - get home and straight to bed and by 9am snoozing. I usually wake then around 4-5pm and am up for the evening before heading out to work. Mind you I haven't done nightshift in nearly a year so it will be interesting to say the least.
My husband seems to hate that I get tired and takes it personally if I don't pay him as much attention as I begin to function on a fairly basic level - do what's required to get by and no more in the effort to conserve energy. I guess it's hard not to take things personally but it's funny how the kids seem to be much more accepting of the little attention and cut me slack and accept me for where I'm at.
It's all an adjustment again and hopefully I'm as adaptable as I thought I was. It's times like this that I think studying for a degree is just too much, maybe I should stick with the internal promotional structure. We'll wait and see tho...
P
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Further Study
Hmm, to return to university or not...
Colour Conference had a speaker, Dr Robi Sonderegger, a neuro psychologist. A funny, real, man, dad, clinical psychologist, excellent speaker and someone whom I could really relate to.
I wonder if God is stirring something in me, something that has been festering for SO long. When my #3 son was expected I went to a pre-uni degree in Psychology and Sociology - there were a couple of other subjects thrown in but they were two...
I didn't follow on with study because I'd two small kids at home, another on the way and we needed the money I could have been earning instead of studying with... I also felt that if I did Sociology I would become an anarchist and very anti government and if I did Psychology I'd become a nutcase! lol
So anyway, I've always had an interest in people, in how they work, how they think, learn, grow. In a way it's as if I don't have enough to keep my brain busy and want more from life. Then with Robi talking it sparked it as well as chatting with a friend of mine on facebook and in a way I can only counsel so much on my own and can only know so little on my own. Maybe I need to get more than just that...
So I have an opportunity to study. I have credits from courses done in work and can circumvent some of the more useless topics. Mind you I work full time in shift work and wonder how I'd fit it all in - even taking it part time, which of course is how it would have to be.
So, thinking Psychology again. Wondering how it all works in with work and where it would take me. I have time to do it I hope and not have to rush any decisions. The uni website said minium 2 years maximum 9. I've wasted two of the years since starting, but maybe it'll still work out...
Anyway, time to pray, prepare and allow God to fester the idea and plan to spend the money on the courses. Maybe now is the time to prepare for a huge step in a few years... Bring it on and watch this space!
Colour Conference had a speaker, Dr Robi Sonderegger, a neuro psychologist. A funny, real, man, dad, clinical psychologist, excellent speaker and someone whom I could really relate to.
I wonder if God is stirring something in me, something that has been festering for SO long. When my #3 son was expected I went to a pre-uni degree in Psychology and Sociology - there were a couple of other subjects thrown in but they were two...
I didn't follow on with study because I'd two small kids at home, another on the way and we needed the money I could have been earning instead of studying with... I also felt that if I did Sociology I would become an anarchist and very anti government and if I did Psychology I'd become a nutcase! lol
So anyway, I've always had an interest in people, in how they work, how they think, learn, grow. In a way it's as if I don't have enough to keep my brain busy and want more from life. Then with Robi talking it sparked it as well as chatting with a friend of mine on facebook and in a way I can only counsel so much on my own and can only know so little on my own. Maybe I need to get more than just that...
So I have an opportunity to study. I have credits from courses done in work and can circumvent some of the more useless topics. Mind you I work full time in shift work and wonder how I'd fit it all in - even taking it part time, which of course is how it would have to be.
So, thinking Psychology again. Wondering how it all works in with work and where it would take me. I have time to do it I hope and not have to rush any decisions. The uni website said minium 2 years maximum 9. I've wasted two of the years since starting, but maybe it'll still work out...
Anyway, time to pray, prepare and allow God to fester the idea and plan to spend the money on the courses. Maybe now is the time to prepare for a huge step in a few years... Bring it on and watch this space!
Prayer Warrior
I've been given the nickname by a friend after being asked by their partner to pray for a specific incident. Well they unleashed a storm when they asked me and I then sought God as to what He wanted the direction to take.
They said 'what have they awakened?' I said nothing, they 'just stirred up the beast!' lol As I responded I said that the enemy should know that by knowing me they shouldn't pick on my family!
So, warfare - of a spiritual kind... tricky neighbourhood to be in at times but when you have a big God on your side and the Bible for the words to use it gets SO much easier. More often than not we are just asked to stand too because the fight has been fought by Jesus and won by Him. Can't get much easier than that. I'm not quite sure how that kind of strategy would work in the natural but it would certainly spook the enemy to see an assured enemy standing. I guess they wouldn't know what to expect...
So I've earned a nickname, 'PW' - it'll take some time to grow on me as it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like my cyber nickname but as it stands for Prayer Warrior I'll accept that. Let's just see where it settles, if it does settle...
They said 'what have they awakened?' I said nothing, they 'just stirred up the beast!' lol As I responded I said that the enemy should know that by knowing me they shouldn't pick on my family!
So, warfare - of a spiritual kind... tricky neighbourhood to be in at times but when you have a big God on your side and the Bible for the words to use it gets SO much easier. More often than not we are just asked to stand too because the fight has been fought by Jesus and won by Him. Can't get much easier than that. I'm not quite sure how that kind of strategy would work in the natural but it would certainly spook the enemy to see an assured enemy standing. I guess they wouldn't know what to expect...
So I've earned a nickname, 'PW' - it'll take some time to grow on me as it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like my cyber nickname but as it stands for Prayer Warrior I'll accept that. Let's just see where it settles, if it does settle...
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Ah Pooh
Well day two back in my regular work - it's been a break of nearly 8 months and before that it was a break of 3 months. So broken in gently, hmmm
So a nice mixed bag again, walking around feeling like I know none of the usual suspects. It seems to have been the stalkers day out today with numerous queries and I felt more like a counsellor than anything else. I'm sure the people calling to chat about their situation weren't quite expecting that kind of response either.
And to top off the afternoon a job I wasn't even directly involved in seems to have had the greatest effect. In a negative way... On my ride home I was pondering 'do I share this at home?' and I found myself not riding aggressively but certainly not my usual light cruise on the bike as I tore up wanting to somehow go flat out but not wanting to die recklessly in the process...
So, I get home and Jellybean senses my mood as does the hubby. I get a much needed hug and the suggestion of a walk to clear my head is accepted - great! When I did share the day it wasn't as daunting as I believed and was even told that he'd heard more today than he had in the last 8 months in my misplaced position. My unloading wasn't unappreciated and I guess it just released the pressure that may have otherwise built up.
It was so tempting to talk to someone else who would 'get it' but that wouldn't build my relationship in the right way either, so it's all good in the end and I have this blog to untangle the knots.
It's odd but in this aspect I still have to use a play on words and hope that one day I can decipher the play if I even needed to.
What would I encourage another to do in this situation? Talk to someone - talk it out, give it to God, put on praise and worship music and let it go.
On the flip side I have returned home from my walk to have a message from a friend asking for much needed prayer. Not necessarily something I would have expected from this person and a request that I feel somewhat overwhelmed in and on the otherhand well able to handle. Not just because I know this person, their request but more importantly I know our Daddy. Daddy that I can run to and tell Him that my bro' is in a situation where they have called in the troops for support and support I will do.
If nothing else having been to Colour I have had confirmed that prayer is not futile. If all else fails then prayer is still a powerful weapon with which Christians can fight. We do not fight against flesh and blood but against spirit. In saying that the enemy - Satan, his cohorts and the world - fights against us with darts and weapons that do hit our flesh or discourage us somehow.
I'm certainly no expert on spiritual warfare and don't want to give more credit that is due but I believe that I understand the subtleties of all of this. The long held story of people who work in money forgery do so from the point of being able to spot a fake banknote because they know the real banknote so intimately.
As one of the Colour girls said last week - if they have two choices that is ahead of them they know for certain that the God choice is the one they are most fearful of. I guess in that fear - the beyondness of self is that part of us that we excel in because God is so fully relied on in that moment. For me it's a good moment - there is a thrill living on the edge of the precipice but knowing that it's the centre of God's will.
Hmm... talk about a mixed bag of head chatter, talking in riddles and covering a multitude of topics.
Well I guess if you survived this post you're doing well! lol
In a way I feel unresolved in my thoughts - keen to speak to my friend who called the reinforcements in on, keen to speak to another friend about how they are doing, keen to have another latte and keen to head to bed for another early start in the morning for a long day ahead of me. So the brain is buzzing around a little and again, I have a place to rest it - in God's hands. Because He is able and He can do it where I cannot. He also knows how this all plays out and I am growing in my trust in Him so I can let it go and give it up - again and again each time I pick it back up each time in my own human effort.
So here God - take my fears, hopes, dreams and people whom I love in this life that You have blessed me with and shelter them and I in Your hiding place. You are able where I am not...
So a nice mixed bag again, walking around feeling like I know none of the usual suspects. It seems to have been the stalkers day out today with numerous queries and I felt more like a counsellor than anything else. I'm sure the people calling to chat about their situation weren't quite expecting that kind of response either.
And to top off the afternoon a job I wasn't even directly involved in seems to have had the greatest effect. In a negative way... On my ride home I was pondering 'do I share this at home?' and I found myself not riding aggressively but certainly not my usual light cruise on the bike as I tore up wanting to somehow go flat out but not wanting to die recklessly in the process...
So, I get home and Jellybean senses my mood as does the hubby. I get a much needed hug and the suggestion of a walk to clear my head is accepted - great! When I did share the day it wasn't as daunting as I believed and was even told that he'd heard more today than he had in the last 8 months in my misplaced position. My unloading wasn't unappreciated and I guess it just released the pressure that may have otherwise built up.
It was so tempting to talk to someone else who would 'get it' but that wouldn't build my relationship in the right way either, so it's all good in the end and I have this blog to untangle the knots.
It's odd but in this aspect I still have to use a play on words and hope that one day I can decipher the play if I even needed to.
What would I encourage another to do in this situation? Talk to someone - talk it out, give it to God, put on praise and worship music and let it go.
On the flip side I have returned home from my walk to have a message from a friend asking for much needed prayer. Not necessarily something I would have expected from this person and a request that I feel somewhat overwhelmed in and on the otherhand well able to handle. Not just because I know this person, their request but more importantly I know our Daddy. Daddy that I can run to and tell Him that my bro' is in a situation where they have called in the troops for support and support I will do.
If nothing else having been to Colour I have had confirmed that prayer is not futile. If all else fails then prayer is still a powerful weapon with which Christians can fight. We do not fight against flesh and blood but against spirit. In saying that the enemy - Satan, his cohorts and the world - fights against us with darts and weapons that do hit our flesh or discourage us somehow.
I'm certainly no expert on spiritual warfare and don't want to give more credit that is due but I believe that I understand the subtleties of all of this. The long held story of people who work in money forgery do so from the point of being able to spot a fake banknote because they know the real banknote so intimately.
As one of the Colour girls said last week - if they have two choices that is ahead of them they know for certain that the God choice is the one they are most fearful of. I guess in that fear - the beyondness of self is that part of us that we excel in because God is so fully relied on in that moment. For me it's a good moment - there is a thrill living on the edge of the precipice but knowing that it's the centre of God's will.
Hmm... talk about a mixed bag of head chatter, talking in riddles and covering a multitude of topics.
Well I guess if you survived this post you're doing well! lol
In a way I feel unresolved in my thoughts - keen to speak to my friend who called the reinforcements in on, keen to speak to another friend about how they are doing, keen to have another latte and keen to head to bed for another early start in the morning for a long day ahead of me. So the brain is buzzing around a little and again, I have a place to rest it - in God's hands. Because He is able and He can do it where I cannot. He also knows how this all plays out and I am growing in my trust in Him so I can let it go and give it up - again and again each time I pick it back up each time in my own human effort.
So here God - take my fears, hopes, dreams and people whom I love in this life that You have blessed me with and shelter them and I in Your hiding place. You are able where I am not...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Starting off Godchick on Watch
Well it's my first time blogging my own blog but not my first time on the net in some shape or form.
A friend of mine met me for coffee in a nearby cafe after returning from Colour Conference 2010 and repeated that I should blog - that I needed to journal and get out what was inside and share it around.
So, here's a start... anonymous for now and expectant for this blog to be more God centred that me-centred. It's going to be a journey into my mind, spirit and soul. It's going to be a journey into hopes, fears, disappointments and ponderings of this particularly odd mind.
You will never know where this will go just as I have no idea where God will take me on this journey. If at some stage I write about people I will try and conceal their identity as I would any confidante. If at some stage you read about yourself (because I have trusted you with my heart, mind and soul) then don't take offence as I try to sort through feelings or experiences.
So, come on this journey with me and let's see where it goes.
A friend of mine met me for coffee in a nearby cafe after returning from Colour Conference 2010 and repeated that I should blog - that I needed to journal and get out what was inside and share it around.
So, here's a start... anonymous for now and expectant for this blog to be more God centred that me-centred. It's going to be a journey into my mind, spirit and soul. It's going to be a journey into hopes, fears, disappointments and ponderings of this particularly odd mind.
You will never know where this will go just as I have no idea where God will take me on this journey. If at some stage I write about people I will try and conceal their identity as I would any confidante. If at some stage you read about yourself (because I have trusted you with my heart, mind and soul) then don't take offence as I try to sort through feelings or experiences.
So, come on this journey with me and let's see where it goes.
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